Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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