K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
