I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
