Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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