He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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