Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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