found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
