my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize