remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize