I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
