If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
