I got chris browned last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
