You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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