I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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