It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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