So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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