Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
