is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
