She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
