sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
