We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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