no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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