i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
