She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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