it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
