I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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