A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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