okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
