how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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