I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
