I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my being single is dangerous.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
