the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize