I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
