then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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