Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
