No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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