jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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