Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
