SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize