I wanna bring you to show and tell
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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