I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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