Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
