While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
