I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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