I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
