We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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