Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
