"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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