He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
as a side note pls kill me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
