i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
