I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
