You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
