Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
