brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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