People in love make me want to vomit
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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