Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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