My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
