You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
