i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
