eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
sex in a hospital.. check
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
