he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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