Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
