are you so shy because you have an std?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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