wat bout pragnant strippers??
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
