and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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