Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
