I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
