Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have tasted many bathrooms
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
