I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
