it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize