i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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