he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
