Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
