Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize