He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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