apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
