He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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