Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
