did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
