You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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