They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
