Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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