Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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