In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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