Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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