I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
