Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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