so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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