my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
