Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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