chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
