we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
