Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
