all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
