Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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