Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize