I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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