We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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