we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
how drunk are you?
Several
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
