I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
