Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
