i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No stitches, just platelets and will power
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize