When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
