Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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