So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
