i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
