I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
