my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
