Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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