My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize