My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
