Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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