I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i drank out of a bidet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
