I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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