eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
